Hear me on this: If you bring up concerns about toxic books or toxic marriage teachings to your pastor or elders or small group leaders, and they blow you off or accuse you of not being biblical—

this is when the “don’t throw your pearls before swine” comes in.

It isn’t your job to convince people to treat like you a human being. They should be doing that already. You can show them how their theology is wrong, but you can’t convince them. If they don’t get it, it’s not that you didn’t argue right; or didn’t pray right; or didn’t say it in just the right way.

It’s that their hearts were hard. It’s a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. And if a church refuses to look at how what they’re teaching around marriage is harmful, then that church is showing that it’s not safe.

When they show you who they are, believe them!

(Also, if you want some hand-outs to give to church leadership about why so many of these messages are harmful, I’ve got some here:

)