Re-igniting Love Between Spouses in the Season of ʿEīd

ʿEīdul-Aḍḥā is a day that commemorates one of the greatest acts of love ever witnessed on this earth which is from a father who loved Allāh more than he loved his son, and because of that love, was given his son back. A wife, Hājar (ʿalayhās-salām), who trusted her husband and trusted her Lord, and was left alone in a valley with nothing, and from her footsteps sprang a well that still flows today.

This season is soaked in the story of a family. It is the perfect moment to turn back to your own.

Many couples arrive at ʿEīd exhausted. The days leading up to it are filled with preparation like buying animals, coordinating families, handling finances, managing children, navigating in-laws. By the time the day itself arrives, husband and wife have spoken a hundred words about logistics and perhaps not a single word to each other as lovers.

This is simply what life does to love when love is left unattended.

However, the love between spouses is not self-sustaining. It is a fire. And every fire, if it is not fed, does not maintain itself. It shrinks, dims, and does not announce its departure. It simply, quietly, gets smaller.

Allāh described the marital relationship as

وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً

"And He placed between you mawaddah and raḥmah."

Here, contains two words. Both extraordinary.

a. Mawaddah: a love that is active, warm, and expressed. Mawaddah is the love of the young couple, passionate, attentive, present.

b. Raḥmah: Mercy that is patient, steady, and enduring. It is what remains and deepens when the initial fire of mawaddah has matured. It is what makes a couple still gentle with one another after twenty years.

Allāh placed both in the marriage. The ʿEīd season is an invitation to tend to both.

Day 1: Return to the Beginning

The first thing a couple must do to re-ignite love is perhaps the simplest, and the most neglected.

Remember.

Remember the beginning; why you chose this person, what you saw in them, what made your heart move toward them before the world complicated everything.

The Prophet ﷺ was asked who he loved most, and he mentioned Khadījah (raḍiyAllāhu ʿanhā) years after her death. ʿĀʾishah (raḍiyAllāhu ʿanhā) noticed and asked him about it, and he said:

إِنَّهَا كَانَتْ وَكَانَتْ، وَكَانَ لِي مِنْهَا وَلَدٌ

"She was, and she was — and I had children from her."

He remembered. He spoke of her with warmth. He honoured her memory so openly that his other wife felt it. Active remembrance of goodness is an act of love.

Practical — What Day 1 Actually Looks Like

For the husband:

Sometime during this ʿEīd day, find a quiet moment with your wife. It does not need to be long. It does not need to be elaborate. But it needs to be intentional.

Look at her and say something you have not said in a long time or perhaps have never said clearly enough. I'm not talking about a generic "I love you" discharged like a habit, but something specific. Something that shows you have been paying attention.

"I noticed how you handled everything this week. I don't say it enough but I see you. "LDo you remember when we first talked about having a family? Look at what Allāh gave us. I don't want to let another ʿEīd pass without telling you that you are still the person I would choose."

The Prophet ﷺ who was the busiest, most burdened man of his time, carrying the weight of revelation and an entire Ummah, still found the time to race with ʿĀʾishah in the desert. He still put his mouth where she had put hers on the drinking vessel. He still combed her hair and let her watch the Abyssinians play with their spears so she could see. He made time for smallness with his wife, because he understood that marriage lives and breathes in small moments.

For the wife:

Receive his effort even if it is imperfect, says it awkwardly, or even if he has not been what you needed him to be in recent weeks. Receiving with grace on a day like ʿEīd is itself an act of worship. It is raḥmah made visible.

And from your own side, without waiting for him, offer him something that tells him he is valued as a person you chose and still choose.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي

"The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family."

Goodness to family is not passive. It is not merely the absence of harm. It is active, expressed, felt.

ʿEīd is one of the two great days of this Ummah. It is a day of ʿafw, and of release. The Prophet ﷺ said Allāh frees necks from the Fire on this day. If Allāh is in the business of releasing people from what they deserve on ʿEīd, then perhaps you can extend something of that release to the person sleeping next to you.

This does not mean pretending the issue does not exist. It means choosing, on this day, to lead with mercy rather than grievance. To let the day be bigger than the argument. The issue can be discussed ( it should be discussed ) but perhaps not today.

Today, let mawaddah speak first. Let raḥmah hold the space. And from that softened place, everything else becomes easier to address tomorrow.

Ibrāhīm (ʿalayhis-salām) built the Kaʿbah with his son. He left his wife in the valley of Makkah with trust and duʿāʾ. His entire story is one of a man who loved Allāh, and because he loved Allāh correctly, he loved his family extraordinarily.

This is the model. Love Allāh first, love completely, and let the barakah of that love pour into the people under your roof.

On Day 1 of this series, the task is simple:

Today, remember why you chose your spouse. Then tell them.

That is enough to begin.

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and our children comfort of eyes, and make us a leader for the righteous."