23 rules for fatherhood in a chaotic world:

1. Your kids are always watching; your actions speak louder than words. Don’t just talk about it. Be about it.

2. Never turn down hugs, cuddles, kisses, or invitations to hold hands. It won’t always be this way.

3. Let your kids see you care deeply. Let them see you risk failure. Let them see you come up short and try again.

4. If you’re worried about your kids becoming addicted to their phones, start by evaluating your own digital habits.

5. Your kids need to see you loving and respecting the women in your life.

6. A growth mindset says praise effort not results; it’s incredibly important—but also, tell your kid you love them simply for being who they are.

7. Don’t take youth sports too seriously—it’s not about you, it’s about them.

8. You don’t have to be perfect. Just be good enough.

9. Let your kids see your full complexity. My kids see my love of deadlifting and also my love of books. They see me when I am tough and they see me when I am vulnerable. It gives them permission to contain their own multitudes.

10. Take care of your own health, physical and emotional.

11. Don’t neglect friendships. It’s important for your kids see you building relationships too.

12. If you think your child has something to tell you don’t try to force it out of them. Play with them instead. Give them your full attention. Do this, and they’ll share on their own.

13. Respond not react. (This isn’t easy.)

14. When you mess up—which you inevitably will—

say you are sorry. Explain what you did wrong and how you’ll try to do better next time.

15. Let your kids see you excited and alive, whether it’s from work or hobbies. It will help them seek excitement and aliveness themselves.

16. Create rules around raising your voice. I try never to yell unless it’s an acute safety issue. When I mess up, I apologize.

17. The best way to express your love is through your attention. Not gifts. Not money. Not words. Attention.

18. You will fail from time to time. I often feel like I’m coming up short. I think it’s just part of being a dad.

19. Right when you think you’ve got things figured out they change. This happens forever, I suppose.

20. It’s beautiful watching your kids grow up, but it’s also hard. I want my kids to evolve and mature. I also desperately want to freeze time. Both emotions can exist at once.

21. Be there for your kids when they succeed. Be there for your kids when they fail. Just be there.

22. Laugh together every chance you get.

23. Love your kid like it’s the most important thing there is—because it is.