Even in this particularly clownish era, it's mind-boggling that grown adults are actually spending precious hours of their free time in between demanding jobs and family--overlaid with our common existential depressions--debating strangers over who can and cannot be Santa Claus.

Like... think about that. Do you know how petty you have to be to rant at a stranger online about why their depiction of a mythical being that drives flying reindeer isn't "accurate" to you?

This week, I have seen grown ass adults assert that Santa Claus is white with just an absolutely insane level of narcissistic confidence. Santa Claus. The guy with the elves making toys at the North Pole. The guy that NORAD playfully "tracks" every year.

It would just never occur to me to care about, like, how the Easter Bunny looks. I'm there for the candy and amusing poultry hide-and-go-seek. And I welcome the tasteful pastel fashion. But that's it. I just wouldn't care about the Easter Bunny's appearance.

These people went from rants about participation trophies in kindergarten soccer to "Santa Claus is actually white, you commie" so fast.

You know what? Santa Claus is actually transgender. May the world know the truth.