Interesting, I feel my experience with his has broadly been that when I feel more ok with being an "asshole", I also feel more access to genuine care/compassion for the person I am saying "no" to. Like, when I feel quite secure in my "right" to a conclusion they don't like, their displeasure feels less threatening/doesn't make me as defensive, and in those cases I am able to both say "no" to them and feel genuine care/empathy for their distress. Ofc sometimes feeling that level of security is hard, and in those cases I also struggle to hold onto care while asserting my own preferences/conclusions.