According to Harvard research, only 1% of adults can do something that would end most online debates instantly.

Hold two opposing views at the same time.

Psychologist Robert Kegan found that our minds develop through five stages.

At the highest stage, the self-transforming mind, you're no longer attached to your beliefs, values, or identity. You can hold paradox. Two seemingly opposing ideas can both be true.

Most people never get there.

Here are 8 paradoxes that only make sense when you can hold both sides:

1. The best leaders are deeply confident and deeply humble at the same time.

2. You need a plan to succeed, and you need to let go of the plan to succeed.

3. Freedom and discipline can coexist.

4. The more yourself you are, the more fluid and transparent that self becomes.

5. Wisdom is knowing you know nothing.

6. To lead you must serve.

7. Structure breeds creativity.

8. The most deeply connected people are also the most comfortable alone.

Most of the debate you see on social media, most political conflict, most arguments in relationships exist because people are too attached to their views to consider that the opposite might also be true.

The self-transforming mind doesn't pick a side. It holds both lightly.