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I can not speak for a God I have not met. I don't think this has anything to do with a God. I know this is very personal, I miss my Dad terribly. He hasn't been gone that long, but I was losing him years before he died. I would love to have one more conversation, even if he continued the same loop over, and over, until I asked him a question that led him down another favorite story. You see TC, this is about you, and your loving nature, not a lesson you need to learn. You have already learned the lesson. I have only been reading you few weeks. What kind of man goes to an animal shelter looking for a Stray that is not his lost pet, but rather, a cat that he had seen homeless in his yard. This kind heart you have managed to keep open and giving, is what this is all about. You bring more solace than a God that may, or may not exist. There is love, or there is fear. You are one of the bravest people I have ever come across in this space of, life in little boxes. Rest, and take care