DAY 55/120 OF CHEMO — 5/5/2026

A GoFundMe Series:

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PLEASE STAND BY FOR COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTION.

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If this is the first time you are seeing this thread, don't turn away. Yes, there are many medical GoFundMes out here, a damning indictment of the medical industrial complex — but with that said, the person I am trying to save is my wife of 25 years.

As the old joke goes: there's good news and there's bad news.

The good news? My wife is the recipient of a new kidney transplant after ten years of waiting on a donor list in California. Huzzah!

The bad news: Terrye has been diagnosed with a malignant kidney tumor in the early stages of metastasis. What this has meant to our wallet? A double dose of medical chicanery. We are working to keep her healthy enough to sustain her new kidney, while poisoning her with powerful chemotherapy drugs like Taxol and Carboplatin (made with real platinum) to kill the cancers, before they kill her.

And for my next trick, I will make this entire lion disappear. "Ala-peanut-butter-sandwiches!"

That lion is going NOWHERE.

Terrye endures a medicinal nightmare cocktail of drugs she takes every night to forestall rejection of the new kidney. And then more pills to maintain her blood pressure and fight viruses. Immunocompromised and weak as a kitten from the chemo, she would not be here at all without them.

So we are rolling with it.

I am her husband, her primary caregiver, and should you find yourself cast in my role, know that you have never experienced anything like this, unless you are a nurse or a doctor. This journal is for you. Chemotherapy is more than a notion, it consumes you.

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THE REALITIES

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You will lose sleep. You will cook meals. You will be sent on many errands. You will become an auxiliary brain. You will have to dress your patient. You will learn the names and side effects of drugs. You will drive to the hospital over and over again. You will endure lab work and any procedures which become part of the process, say like: thoracentesis. This is where they drain a horrible red fluid, that's not blood, from a region around your lungs on a weekly basis, until the treatment ends 16 weeks later. 1000 mL. Yah!

Phone visits with doctors who ask questions and say: "Hmmm. We'll look into it." A lot. You won't get the feeling they are fully there. But you ask questions as best you can and know they will call you again next week with no real answers.

Pay attention. You are your own advocate.

If you are a partner to someone who needs this kind of care and you have to work — you may need to pay someone to provide care, respite and support, because chemo is physically devastating. Terrye currently weighs 100 pounds. At the beginning of chemo she didn't eat ANYTHING. I had to insist she drink those horrid protein drinks and she would glare daggers as she begrudgingly consumed them. 25 grams of protein. She still lost weight. 50 lbs.

You must be willing to endure the physical transformation of your loved one. Their loss of strength. Depending on how old they are, this can be mildly debilitating to almost completely so. Terrye can't walk more than ten yards at a time. When we go to the hospital, we have to get her a wheelchair. On chemo infusion days, don't mention her archenemy, even in whispered tones: stairs.

NOOO!

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THIS WEEK'S UPDATE

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We are 55 days into a 120-day treatment schedule. Terrye has shown improvement. By increasing her anti-nausea medication, her appetite returned. Taxol affects fast growing cells: digestive cells, bone marrow and tongue cells are also affected. After 35 days she began to taste food, again.

This meant she went from no food to 3-5 ounces a meal, if she ate at all. This is one of the hardest things for me to watch. Terrye was a chef and food was her life. To see her stare at food as if I were offering her a sprig of hemlock is painful. My cooking isn't that bad.

Today, she has had some relief because of yesterday's draining of the lungs. (This doctor was the worst, it was very painful.) We scheduled it on Tuesdays and she can sleep on her side for three days before the lungs begin to protest by coughing and forcing her to sit up. Days four and five are tolerable and her sleep is less fitful. Days six and seven are the worst. She can't lie down at all. She must sit up, and be propped up by all the pillows in the Universe.

This is the face she makes as I attempt to make her comfortable.

[ronin red panda image]

Yeah. Tough crowd.

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SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO…

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Did I mention Terrye has no body fat? Her body is sagging flesh and a barely covered skeleton. She is sitting on her tailbone. No pillow has offered significant relief. No donut has saved the day. Chair accouterments don't work when you have no flesh on your hips and ass. Pain is her constant companion.

Since it's doctor's-talk-on-the-phone week, we are going to ask for ways to help deal with that pain that won't end up in addiction, but will still fight pain. She shouldn't have to risk addiction to get pain relief. This is one of those things you have to advocate for.

Terrye has been eating more regularly — two meals a day, breakfast and something after noon. The second meal is the last of the day (unless she needs a snack). I have been instructed to let her eat things she likes. All calories are good calories.

65 days to go. Thanks. Please share this stream to help expand the opportunity to have other support this GoFundMe.