What is Whengineering? 

Whengineering (n.)

The applied science of determining, with great precision and absolute confidence, exactly when a thing will be finished, based on the observed universal principle that it will not be finished then.

Whengeneering differs from ordinary engineering in that ordinary engineering concerns itself with how things are built, whereas Whengeneering concerns itself with when they will be built, which is a far more demanding discipline, as it requires the practitioner to maintain, simultaneously, an optimistic relationship with the future and a studiously amnesiac relationship with the past.

The fundamental unit of Whengeneering is the estimate, which should not be confused with a guess, though the distinction is largely philosophical and of interest mainly to Whengineers, who have, after all, a great deal of time on their hands while waiting for things to be finished.

Advanced practitioners will note that estimates exist in three states: too optimistic, far too optimistic, and Thursday. Thursday functions as a kind of quantum attractor toward which all delivery dates briefly collapse before expanding again into the following Thursday. This phenomenon is known as Temporal Creep and is considered, by those who study these things, to be the only reliable constant in the known universe, the speed of light being, by comparison, shockingly punctual.

The Whengineering profession is not without its successes. The Great Pyramid of Giza was delivered only forty years behind schedule, which remains an industry benchmark.

See also: Nearly Done, Almost There, Just One More Thing, Should Be Ready By…