Sh*t physicists say:

• “Sure, but only in the limit ℏ → 0.”

• “It’s not technically dark.”

• “Yo mama’s so old her baby pictures have a different Hubble constant.”

• “Biology is just applied chemistry; chemistry is just applied physics. and physics its just applied childhood trauma.”

• “Let’s assume flat space until further notice.”

• “Let’s stop playing around and consider this toy model first.”

• “Sir, that’s not a Lagrangian, it’s technically a Lagrangian density. Yes, I know you know that. I just want the rest of you to hear my meaningless correction.”

• (Staring at a blank blackboard) “It’s trivial.”

• “Set c, ℏ, and G to 1.” Two minutes later. “Set k to 1.” Two minutes later. “Let’s just set everything to 1.”

• “It works. In principle.”

• “Just ignore the boundary terms.”

• “My sex life is satisfying. To first order.”