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We all have our demons.
My principal inner hobgoblins are anger and selfishness.
Historically, I’ve had two main ways of dealing with these demons:
Total indulgence. When I got mad or greedy, I just acted it out, willy-nilly.
Shame and compartmentalization. When I noticed a rageful or selfish impulse arise in my mind, I told myself a whole story about what a terrible person I was.
In recent years, I’ve learned a much better coping technique. I refer to it as “high-fiving my demons.”
These days, when I’m on my game and I notice anger or selfishness arising, I’ll say: Welcome to the party. I fully recognize that these are ancient neurotic programs that are actually trying to help me, however unskillfully. So I say: Thank you—but not now.
This is not indulgence, it’s radical disarmament. If you can direct warmth toward your demons, they will often sit down and shut up, allowing the wiser part of your mind to take the wheel.