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An alert reader named Randy Hunt sent me an excellent suggestion for improving soccer, so I thought I'd pass it along:
I’m warming up to this World Cup tournament and have gotten over the whole “the game’s not over until some suspicious and unaccountable guy with a stopwatch says it’s over” thing.
Rule Change Suggestion
I know it’s illegal to fake an injury, which can result in a yellow card, but in spite of that players are constantly flopping around like shad out of water. Replays consistently show less contact than there is when the buffet line opens.
So I’ve come up with the “We Believe You” rule. If they’re writhing around, instead of dialing 9-1-1, just say “We Believe You.” The humanitarian thing to do for anyone who’s in such agony should be to place the crumpled player on the sidelines for no less than 10 minutes to recover from their near death experience. “Are you still seeing the light?”
To make it even more interesting, there should be no substitute allowed while the “We Believe You” injured player miraculously recovers like an earthworm regrowing its tail (whatever end that is). Just build some hockey-style penalty boxes on the sidelines decorated like miniature emergency rooms.
I’m sure I’ll have some more super helpful rule changes before this World Cup is awarded to France. Go U.S.A.
Randy Hunt