If a man named Donald identified as Donna and could pass well as a woman, he could "be" Donna. Donna would exist. Until the day, or night, came when a straight man who honestly thought Donna was a woman was going to have sex with her. When Donna's plumbing was revealed there would be a moment of truth.

Perhaps if he was a, "I'll try anything once" kind of guy who decided to walk on the wild side, it would be gay sex and he would know it. He would know that Donna was not a woman. Or, more likely there would be some variation of, "Dude! WTF? A dick!" and the sex would not happen.

In both cases, Donna would indeed be destroyed. Even if Donna were to carry on and find a gay man in denial who wanted to cushion it with a man who passed as a woman, except in bed, the woman Donna would be destroyed when it came to sex or a situation where plumbing is in view. The human, Donald, has not been destroyed, but Donna has been. "Donna" knows and the nan having sex with "her" knows the truth.

This was just a stream of thought on the idea of reality being an actual destructive force. I didn't give it thought before I wrote it. Others might not agree. I might not agree when I read it tomorrow. But when they say they are destroyed by, "no, you're not" is there an element of truth in it?