I think Feffy's "you must say that my husband is gay" was about validation of Feffy's manhood. More about Feffy's identity than his.

A sad thing about the whole thing is that it is rooted in the failure of people to live and let live for the affairs of others. With apologies to Thomas Jefferson, it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg if someone's views on sex or gender are different from mine.

And yes, that enlistment question was a sign of the times although it was considered an issue for a security clearance as something that made you subject to blackmail. But that was only a thing because of prevailing attitudes. Progress is slow which is frustrating. Going backwards is worse.