DREAD Reviews - the most unhinged indie review corner on Substack! Issue #51 is out today!

After last issue’s guest-writer-free-for-all death match, we’re returning to business as usual: celebrating writers on Substack, some familiar, some brand new.

Here’s a taste of what’s inside.

Intro blurb: “Even now the children scoff: ‘Playtime waits for no man.’”

Steve Kelsey: “The Burning Bear has somehow manifested inside the office. A literal bear, running a bar, its shaggy fur billowing smoke. ... the jukebox plays 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' Gabby realizes she’s been rickrolled - forever.”

Brock Eldon: “I do not deny that the minivan exists, that it is a dangerous multi-ton machine that might topple and kill me, no. I assume the stance of radical neutrality - this is but a gleaming metallic mass.”

C.T. Drenth: "Within minutes the team resembles a group of malfunctioning animatronics - crawling sideways, squinting at the floor, communicating in grunts and single syllables, arms pinned awkwardly to their sides... Becca finally rolls across the living room and picks up a potato chip from a bowl using just her teeth.”

Johanna C. Eschwald: (Numetal song performed by Mike Shinoda & the ghost of Chester Bennington) “Oh, you crossed the line, obliterated my space / Went all over me like I'm your personal chase / Upside down world, I'm wired to bow low, / While you skate free - consequence? Zee-ro!”

Ricardo José Romeu: “NARRATOR: Nick will later try the Malagueña karaoke shrine, which earns him three police wellness checks and a lifetime ban from the local open-mic circuit. He will then build a full shrine to Lily’s dashboard rings in his living room - replicas sourced from shady online jewelers, mounted on black velvet under perpetual green disco LEDs.”

Gregory Blair: “The Prologue Gore vs Current Wholesome Ratio Calculator spins and shorts, then coughs blood. The Plot Police don sunglasses in the dark. ‘We’re at the perimeter, prepared to arrest this Blair fellow, the author. But a federal judge has filed an Emergency Boner Injunction.’”

Special thanks to this issue’s guest reviewer, Joel Vicars! His earnest enthusiasm for Evie’s work convinced me to subscribe: “I’m head-over-heels for Aria and the grief she can’t escape even in the nameless place between stars... Evie’s poetic prose in this spacefaring tale leaves you begging to know more, to feel more. Fortunately, chapter one is already available. You better get it before it’s gone!”