On Christmas Eve, Donald Trump took calls from kids who dialled a NORAD Santa-tracker number. He then proceeded to demonstrate that he is, shall we say, not entirely well.

A few samples from story:

“Santa is a very good person,” President Donald Trump, in a suit and gold tie, tells Jasper in Tulsa. “We want to make sure that he’s not infiltrated, that we’re not infiltrating into our country a bad Santa. So we found out that Santa is good. Santa loves you. Santa loves Oklahoma, like I do. You know Oklahoma was very good to me in the election. So I love Oklahoma. Don’t ever leave Oklahoma, okay?”

Okay, Jasper says.

…

A five-year-old in Pennsylvania is standing by.

“Pennsylvania is great. We won Pennsylvania actually, three times, but we won Pennsylvania. We won it in a landslide. So I love Pennsylvania,” Trump declares.

…

Amelia is worried about coal in her stocking.

“You mean clean, beautiful coal?” Trump asks. “I had to do that, I’m sorry.”

But be sure to read the story yourself, if only for the running gag — sorry, side-story — about Melania.

The President and the First Lady of the United States, ladies and gentlemen.

Remember that this man has the sole discretionary authority to launch the world’s largest arsenal of nuclear weapons. And a happy new year to all!