Check out my new post! Looking back now, I can see that something more subtle was happening beneath the surface.

We were being conditioned to distrust our own emotional signals.

If anger, grief or discomfort arose in response to someone else’s behaviour, we were taught that the emotion belonged entirely to our own unresolved wounds. The instruction was to clear it, cathart it out, process it, and only once we were neutral were we allowed to speak.

At the time this sounded wise and spiritual. But in practice it had a very different effect.

It trained us to pathologise normal human reactions.

Emotions like anger, discomfort or grief are not always signs of personal trauma. Often they are signals that something in the present moment is wrong—that a boundary has been crossed, that something feels unsafe, or that a person in power may be acting inappropriately.

When those signals are constantly reframed as “your projection” or “your wound,” people begin to lose trust in their own instincts.

Another aspect of the culture was the rule against discussing concerns with peers. Speaking about a troubling experience with others—especially as women—was labelled “collusion” or the behaviour of the “wounded feminine.” Instead we were instructed to take any issue directly to the person involved.

On the surface this sounded mature and responsible. But it ignored something crucial: power dynamics.

It can be extremely difficult, even unsafe, to confront someone directly when that person holds authority over you—as a teacher, leader, or gatekeeper of opportunities and belonging.

By discouraging peer conversations, the community unintentionally created isolation. People who felt uneasy believed they were the only ones. Patterns of behaviour that might have been recognised collectively remained hidden.

When individuals are trained to doubt their emotions and prevented from comparing experiences with others, accountability becomes almost impossible.

Looking back, I can see how these dynamics protected those in power while leaving participants to question themselves.

At the time I didn’t yet have the language to understand what I was feeling.

I only knew something inside me was screaming that day on the trampoline.

And for the first time, a crack had appeared in the spell.