This note is a bit off-brand for me, sorry. Also, this is a note/question for my fellow disabled writers. I had a breakdown last night. I just was so tired, from trying to move my disabled body around an apartment that is not accessible; from trying to rally enough strength after showering to put on clothes; from failing once again to do the exercises that I’m told will help, because my muscles were so fatigued just from sitting upright.

I just started to cry. I‘ve been living with this disability, which is continuing to progress, for 15 years and I am trying really hard to do everything right. And it’s so hard. So I cried and then I felt a little bit better, but of course not a lot better.

So my question, such as it is, is what should I do? I mean when this gets overwhelming? Without betraying the incredibly strong disabled community, or giving in to internalized ableism?

My default is humor, and I really do live there pretty comfortably. But sometimes it’s just not that funny. And I’m trying to honor that too.