Blocked by a female “STEM influencer’ on Instagram (ironically she left her engineering job and is now a workplace consultant) because I dared to comment that her terrible advice that encourages women in engineering to conform to a masculine culture in the workplace and “not be the type of girl who runs to HR every day”—commentors agreed that too many women came in with a ‘combative streak’ and that’s why they never progressed in the workplace. I’m sure that’s not the reason at all.

She argued that disrespect from male engineers was never personal, you just have to understand where they are coming from. She got very offended by my remarks (pouted in a follow up video and indirectly called me ‘mean’). She equated a woman working in a masculine job environment was no different than an American in Paris.

Sad because she has thousands of followers and people are taking her advice seriously. She’s also getting paid by companies to perpetuate this ‘advice’. I was surprised by how many STEM female influencers there are on Instagram, with 10s of thousands of followers.

Many people seem very eager to seek such advice and were genuinely interacting with the poster—likely because there is so little good advice out there, which is often shallowed or flawed (not every account, but be careful out there).

This was my response that got blocked:

The framing implies that women are overly emotional or combative and will argue over every little thing—which simply isn’t true. Most remain silent, often out of necessity. While it’s true that engineering is a male-dominated field, this framing suggests that women must behave in a certain, more accommodating way to earn respect from men. When women echo that message, even unintentionally, it reinforces the very toxic culture that holds us back. We’re also being poor allies to women of color and LGBTQ+ women, who often face even worse treatment. Yes, we all need paychecks and want to avoid retaliation, but excusing problematic behavior to keep the peace ultimately sustains the problem.

I hope someone saw my comment before she blocked me, or people can see it now. I’m under no illusion that I can change her mind—but maybe I can change someone else’s.

Several woman in STEM on Instagram have blocked me because I just refuse to play their game. This exactly mirrors real-life dynamics I encounter with many (not all) women in STEM.