My version of a wild gay night out has changed a bit.

· 1999: 4 pm at the club

· 2008: 1 am at the bar

· 2018: midnight at a restaurant

· 2021: 11 pm deep into a queer documentary rabbit hole

· 2026: 9 pm, choosing between two houseplants like this decision affects my legacy

This is what maturity looks like.

Slightly moisturized and home by ten.