This Thanksgiving, something may inspire us to want to become more grateful.

Maybe it’s when everyone at the table says something they’re grateful for and you wish you did it more often. Or when, in the rush of hosting, you forget to thank your in-laws for making the trek. Now that you think of it, they seem a bit weaker this visit. When did that happen?

This week, many of us will go to extra lengths to travel or host the people who mean most to us in the world. The rest of the year, we rarely tell them.

Here are some habit interventions to consider, depending on what you wish you did more: 1) feel more gratitude, 2) express it to those who matter.

1. Feel gratitude

Meditation and gratitude journaling are among the most well-studied interventions to improve a baseline sense of gratitude. They can also have meaningful impacts on joy, connection, and healthspan. But they’re not the only interventions to consider.

Is your time, money, or energy stressed? Rather than blame yourself for not feeling more grateful, see if you can identify habits that could alleviate the stress on your resources.

For example, maybe you think you need to feel more gratitude but you’re running on six hours of sleep. In that case, a long-term investment in sleep-related habits (eg by wearing an eye mask or getting early sunlight) may yield a bigger return on investment than jumping to gratitude journaling. Appreciation may come more easily when you’re not in a state of scarcity - and exhaustion.

If you feel shame for not being more grateful, you may also want to consider whether the feeling is chronic or acute. After all, Thanksgiving is a week when hosting strains your wallet, travel strains your sleep, and rushing strains your time. It's understandable if you're feeling drained.

2. Express gratitude

When you felt that itch to be more grateful, which relationships came to mind?

Some people treasure a written thank you note. But maybe what your mother wishes for is more time with you. Or maybe you resolve to tell your partner you love them every night before bed, when what they more urgently need is help with chores (acts of service) freeing them up to rest.

At the heart of it, a desire to express gratitude is a useful signal that the relationship you’re thinking of is in some way underserved. Notice that feeling. Treasure that feeling. Acknowledge that the feeling is an inevitable extension of the inability to prioritize all relationships at all times.

But if you do decide to take on a gratitude habit, do so after truly considering what you’re taking on - and for whom.

PS: My love language right now is… words of affirmation! Starting a newsletter can be tough. And if you liked this post, it would mean the world to me if you would share it around to loved ones much like Thanksgiving stuffing. Thank you!

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