I confuse “Big Five” tests because I am highly disagreeable when it comes to ideas but highly agreeable when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I've been told twice in the last week that a good quality of mine is that I accept people as they are on their own terms and then work with that. I have also been told that I put up with too much and I think this is true. I am willing to accept all manner of personal idiosyncrasies and weirdnesses as long as I think someone is essentially a good person and I enjoy their company. But sometimes I can be a little too charitable and decide that they are very plainspoken or forthright when actually they are rude or that they are absent-minded or preoccupied when actually they are inconsiderate.

I think the reason that I err in the direction of being too critical of other people's ideas and too accommodating of their interpersonal behaviour is because I think I have every right to try to change somebody else's mind but no right at all to change their personality. I am also very accepting of other people's right to try to change my mind but have no tolerance of anybody trying to change my personality, so at least I am consistent about this.

I think this comes down ultimately to my value for individual autonomy. I want everybody to be able to be themselves without having to perform or conform to social niceties and I appreciate when they return that favour because my social skills can be lacking sometimes. But I also assume they will be open to changing their ideas and that they will enjoy arguing with me about them as a form of bonding exercise. Often, this is not the case.