Independence vs autonomy

Independence means that you can handle things on your own, ie. not dependent. Children, in this sense, become gradually more independent as they learn to put themselves to sleep, wipe themselves at the toilet, move out, and make their own money.

Autonomy, on the other hand, comes from the Greek self (αὐτός, autos) and law/rule (νόμος, nomos) — literally “self-legislating.” It was originally used about city states. A state is autonomous if its citizens are allowed to decide what their laws and policies should be without foreign intervention. A person, by analogy, is autonomous if they are given—and shoulder—the responsibility of deciding what they believe and act on it.

It is possible to be highly independent and lack autonomy, and vice versa. A person who is high on independence and low on autonomy would be someone who is capable of caring for themselves—often slightly isolated from others, but very caught up in doing what others expect them to do.

These days, I am much less independent than we were when I met my wife Johanna, at 23. We depend on each other to regulate our feelings and work through what we think and want. But we are also much more autonomous than we were when we met. We have more clarity about what we think and are less likely to do things just to fit in, or because it is expected of us (including when it is something she expects of me, or I of her). We make up our own minds.

I actually suspect that independence and autonomy are negatively correlated. It is hard to be autonomous; it is not something that happens spontaneously to people. Usually, it is something we learn from being around others who are, or try to be, autonomous, and who are willing to do the emotional and intellectual work necessary to help us figure out what we think. You can be autonomous and independent, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is much less common than being autonomous because you are embedded (and dependent on) a social situation where you get the support and know-how necessary to grow autonomous.