Hi. Jellyfish freak me the @&?$ out. I was watching an old episode of Monster Quest (because I’m a dork) that was all about monster jellyfish and you guys, jellyfish are scarier than I thought.

Of course we all know about deadly jellyfish stings from the likes of the box jelly, but all jellyfish have toxins in their tentacles, they just aren’t all dangerous to humans… in small numbers. So what freaks me out about jellyfish? Well here you go.

1- Toxin- Many jellies are harmless-ish to humans but there are many that can cause symptoms ranging from cardiac arrest and respiratory failure to muscle cramps, dizziness, and extreme pain. None of those things are great when you’re swimming in the ocean. But just to add insult to injury, the Irukandji, one of the deadliest, has toxin that also causes an intense feeling of impending doom. According to some accounts the anxiety is so bad that victims will beg doctors to kill them.

2- They have no brains or central nervous systems, yet control multiple eyes and some are even able to learn. One species of box jelly has 24 eyes and has been shown to navigate around obstacles. With no brain. Gooey poison zombies.

3- Some are HUGE. Lion’s mane jellies can have a bell up to 7 feet across and tentacles stretching 120 feet long. In small doses, lion’s mane toxins are not deadly to humans, but given the size of the jellyfish, stings are often spread over a large surface area causing widespread, systemic issues. Nomura jellyfish in Japan are equally large and dangerous, weighing in at 440 pounds. They have also been growing in numbers, which brings me to the real horror of it all.

4- Blooms. Jellyfish blooms are explosions, swarms if you will, of jellyfish. They can decimate ecosystems and fisheries, but can also disrupt operations at nuclear power plants by clogging cooling filters and causing other issues. In Japan, blooms of the gigantic Nomura jellyfish are becoming more and more frequent. In fact jellyfish populations in general are multiplying rapidly. Warming waters with less oxygen, as is the current state of the oceans, are surprisingly beneficial for jellyfish. Overfishing of jellyfish predators is also contributing to the rise in populations.

So a gooey poison zombie that either kills you or makes you want to die and can be the size of your fingernail or as big as a car is rapidly multiplying in the oceans. I for one have never, and will never, set foot in the ocean, but I have to say jellyfish are overdue for, at minimum, a B-movie creature feature. Which will be super entertaining until actual jellies cause a nuclear meltdown somewhere in the world.

Please send help.

You guys have an unexpectedly scary critter you think needs a horror movie/book?

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