"The Little Drummer Boy" shouldn't be the name of a song; it should be the title of this week's "Unsolved Mystery":

Open with Dramatic Music.

One chilly night in December, Frank left home with his drum and traveled to a small town.

Once there, he played his drum — enthusiastically — for a young, first-time mother, who had been forced to give birth in a stable, after spending a week travelling by donkey.

We caught up with her husband, Joseph — "Joseph, Joseph! Sir, what do you know regarding the disappearance of young Frank?"

"Is he that little shit with the drum? Not a thing."

Centurion Gaius Patricus offered these puzzling, and frankly mysterious words:

"Centurion! Centurion! Do you have any clues into the disappearance of whom the public has taken to calling 'The Little Drummer Boy'?"

"Are you a father?"

"What? My wife is due to give birth in a month, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Huh. Tell you what. Two weeks after your first-born dominoes, come back here and ask me that idiot question. Now get out."

On this week's episode of "Unsolved Mysteries": the disappearance of ...

... The Little Drummer Boy.

Close with Dramatic Music.