I got married this summer. since dating discourse is of perennial interest on this platform, I thought I’d share what worked for me personally

>be me

>at some point, maybe in the 2010s, take a Myers Briggs test, and post on an INTJ forum

>forget all about it

>years pass

>do nothing

>in 2017, a cute girl requests to follow me on instagram

> I say — wary of trolls — do we know each other?

>she says, oops, wrong person, sorry!

>okay

>years pass, go on dates, a few relationships, learn some things, nothing quite right

>in 2019, the same girl messages, again. I remember her, maybe because there was a strange possibility to her first message. or more likely because she was very cute. this time she says, okay, before, I got nervous because there’s no way to not sound crazy saying this and — I know it’s kind of ridiculous but: I actually found your name on a Myers Briggs forum? and your type is supposed to be compatible with mine, and I know I’m just a person on the internet, but I read your work profile, and we have a lot of stuff in common. do you maybe want to talk?

>okay, I say

>but first thing you should know is that I no longer test as an INTJ, I’m an INTP

>she says yea okay, maybe, maybe not, let’s see

>I say fine, second thing is that I’ve since learned science and [long spiel about how the Myers-briggs is limited, validation, test-retest reliability, etc.]

>she says okay lol spoken like a true INTJ

>damn

>we text

>we text more

>it escalates to voice memos

>on a work trip while I’m in Tanzania I’m leaving her 30 minute messages while I’m wandering around villages in between focus groups I’m leading

>we make playlists

>I realize: she may be warmest kindest nicest person I’ve ever met

>we’ve never actually met

>I buy a southwest ticket to San Francisco, where she’s just moved, because free ticket changes, and also because there must be a catch, I am being catfished, no man in history has ever had a dream woman message him out of the blue “hey I think we’re compatible?”

>we meet

>we are compatible

>friends call to make sure I’m not being catfished

>I’m not being catfished

>everything is better than great

>I’m supposed to be living in St. Louis because of grad school, but all I have left to do is finish my dissertation, and so we fly out to STL and pack up everything I own and road trip across the country during Thanksgiving snowstorms, and I officially move into this noisy light-filled one bedroom overlooking Park Presidio, never having considered that I would ever live in California

>elation

>at some point we panic because we are both, to each other, nothing more than a random person on the internet

>that lasts a few minutes

>still elation

>I graduate, defending my dissertation over zoom where everyone was too burned out to ask a question, she changes jobs, I take a job, we move to North Carolina to be closer to it, we form a COVID pod, we get a puppy, we name him Anza, friends visit, we road trip together, we travel to Tanzania together, we climb volcanoes, she takes a new job, we move to LA, we get a little older, we get a little wiser, I change jobs, there is work stress and financial stress and a million different things big and small happen, but throughout it is never not fun. we move to Napa, we discover meditation, we host parties, we keep making more friends, we get engaged, we move again!, except just within Napa, and it is somehow delightful because after so many moves together it’s just down the street

>and I feel it as some strange form of divine grace that life keeps evolving in new and unpredictable and ever lovelier ways, and during and in between all of it, the initial absurdity of how we got together has evolved into this wonderful story, and so, six years to the day we first met

>we get married