I come across many parents who have left religion or currently in the throes of their deconstruction. Many of them feel regret about religion's impact on their children and are struggling to know how to encourage a more sound and healthy spirituality in their kids.

Most of us feel like we are falling short as parents. We all wish we had more time, more money, more (fill in the blank) to give our children. But the greatest gift we can give our kids is love. None of us does it perfectly, of course. But our love is what will shape our sons and daughters more than anything else we do as parents.

What follows are several ways you can love your kids by helping them develop healthy independence and self-confidence.

1.Tell them it’s okay to question what they hear, and equip them to be critical, independent, and freethinkers.

2. Let them know that being spiritual doesn't mean being religious or require a defined belief-system.

3. Let them know that being “good” doesn’t automatically mean being submissive, obedient, meek, inhibited, compliant, or restrained, but can also mean being passionate, original, subversive, defiant, nonconformist, and contrary.

4. Instill in them non-negotiables such as love, compassion, virtue, justice, courage, and the inherent and equal worth of every human being.

5. Show them that the most important relationship in life is their relationship with themselves, built through self-respect, self-acceptance, self-reliance, self-compassion, self-love, self-care, and self-actualization.

6. Create a safe space for them to be authentic and real, not judging them based on what they “should” be thinking, feeling, and experiencing, but being interested in what they actually are thinking, feeling, and experiencing.

7. Let them know that it's okay for them to live into their own individual convictions, beliefs, interests, passions, identity and life direction, and not be pressured or controlled by the expectations and demands of others or the masses.

8. Teach them that they are ultimately responsible for their own happiness and wellbeing, and to be aware that they cannot take on this responsibility for others.

9. Let them know the dangers of being a people-pleaser, and help them understand that disapproval, criticism, disfavor and rejection may be signs you're on the right path, not the wrong one.

10. Teach them it's okay to say "no", to have boundaries, and not allow or tolerate toxic, hurtful, abusive, manipulative, controlling, demeaning, draining people and relationships in their life.

11. Tell your kids daily that you love them unconditionally. Be specific about what you see that is good, beautiful, special, unique, heroic and extraordinary about who they are. Let them see the passion and rebel in you. Break a few rules with them.

~ Jim Palmer