This is off topic but as you know I’m a bit of a humorist: White folks, I mean, I don’t want to insult you as I’m one of you within the social construct of race that makes no actual sense, but let me speak to your, OK, “our” absolute dumbest theory.

The dumb theory is: Aliens built the pyramids. Just picture aliens getting here on a fucking space ship and then having tens of thousands of people build a structure out of giant blocks of fucking stone. Not only is this theory unbelievably dumb, it’s not as interesting as how they actually would have built these things back then.

Perhaps whitey is jealous because during this time all he could muster was Stonehenge the Brits are so on about while Africans built the pyramids. Stonehenge, Brits. You idiotically lugged massive stones for that? I mean, who went along with that, even? Maybe not nearly enough as it took them 1500 years to lug those goddamn stones for no ostensible purpose.

It’s like the Brits trying to learn food. That’s going to maybe take 1000 years. They ruled India and learned nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing. You had Jamie Oliver getting famous off a chicken breast stuffed with mushrooms and topped with cream sauce. You have Gordon Ramsey huckstering us with his shitty hexclad pans. Yeah I bought ‘em and they’re dumb, too fragile to scrub and more difficult to clean and less non-stick than, well, a ceramic non-stick. But you can use a metal spatula on them. God I was dumb. Thanks, Gordon, I’m using my stainless and cast iron.

Anyway, aliens didn’t build the fucking pyramids.