I was trying to teach someone how to pack a pipe:

“First, fill the bowl to the top and then pack it lightly, like you’re shaking hands with a small child. Then fill it to the top again and pack it as if you’re shaking hands with a woman. Then fill it one more time and pack it as if you’re shaking hands with a man.”

He replied, indignantly: “I shake everyone’s hand the same.”

I learned a lot about him that day. And he never did get that pipe to stay lit.