Things I’ve Learned From Being an ER Nurse

There really is a light in your eyes that goes out when you die. It is humbling to watch.

PCP makes people superhuman strong. Do not get kicked in the chest by someone on PCP.

An artery can shoot blood all the way across a room.

Playing practical jokes on the doctors makes the day go by faster.

Surgeons don’t have the ER sense of humor.

Propofol is one of the best drugs ever invented. Michael Jackson may disagree.

If you have trouble swallowing capsules, tilt your head forward, they float and will go down easier.

Do not drink and drive. Do not drink. Do not drive.

Intuition is a powerful thing. Use it.

People really do not realize when their hearts stop. If they are otherwise healthy and awake, they are incredibly surprised when I hit them in the chest, or shock them, and they yell “Ow! Hey! What’d you do THAT for?” (Well sir, your heart wasn’t beating right—you would have noticed that in a little bit).

Some people will not die until everyone shows up. Some will not die until everyone leaves the room.

Pain medicines do not take away all the pain; they make you not care that your leg is broken.

The general public does not understand the difference between a virus and a bacterium. Neither, unfortunately, do some medical practitioners.

The weirdest things fit in the weirdest places. Patient confidentiality prohibits specific examples. The excuses are all the same though (”I fell on it”).

People will accept suffering with an amazing amount of dignity and grace if they feel it is for a reason. Any reason.

If you tell a mother that her eighteen-year-old son is dead, you will remember her face and her name forever.

If you advocate for a mother to hold her seven-year-old child one more time, she will remember your face and your name forever.