​I’ve just found some ancient Vedic scriptures on Līlā (लीला) written in an obscure Sanskrit dialect: Kalavindya-Kanduka-Līlā (कलविन्द्यकन्दुकलीला), otherwise known as Calvinball.

​It turns out the 'Divine Cosmic Dance' consists mostly of running around with a croquet mallet while wearing a bucket on your head—but only on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays, the bucket is ceremoniously replaced by either a Trump wig (the Chadmakeśam) or a watering can (Secana-kumbha) worn as a helmet.

The text reveals the nature of a Tiger, referred to as the Vyāghrātman (व्याघ्रात्मन्), representing the Atman—the true, inner Self. To the unawakened masses (the parents), the Vyāghrātman appears as a mere stuffed illusion (Māyā), lifeless and inert. Yet, to the Enlightened Initiate (the Calvin), the Vyāghrātman is the only other conscious agent in the universe, serving as guide, co-conspirator, and the only entity capable of calculating the score "Q to 12."

Which frankly, removes any remaining scholarly doubt about the quantum theory that the observer influences reality: in the Kalavindya tradition, the game is an infinite Samsara loop with no beginning and no end until the Supreme Mother Observer Deity initiates the Maha-Pralaya by uttering the terrifying mantra: "DINNER!!!" (रात्रिभोजनम्!!!)