Ended up getting discharged on Sunday after 10 days only to have to return a few days later on my 38th birthday.

I was gutted to have to cancel the birthday gathering I'd put together with something like 36 hours’ notice and instead wake up to hours of agony and the realization that we had to go back.

So while it was not the birthday I'd hoped for, I'm still grateful to have had one at all, and not in a gross/weaponized gratitude kind of way.

My dear book club friends even sent me a video of them singing “happy birthday” at the bookstore with a surprise cake (that they're gonna totally have to get again once I wean off this NG tube that I had to get a couple days ago 😋).

Been here a few nights now and not sure how long it'll be, not sure of anything ever, really, but I am back to getting my 3 walker-supported strolls in each day and enjoying visits from friends where we read to each other and talk about our lives and our dreams ❤️

And because of my sister and her wonderful community back in Michigan, I've had lots of crafts and goofy socks to keep me busy and laughing. The coloring book for adults has been a particular highlight.

All in all, it's been miserable, it's been hilarious, it's been dark and full of beauty and infuriating and impossible and then and then and then…

Cancer is basically just the ultimate “both/and” way of living, I keep learning, with some new twist around each corner.

Gotta just remember to keep pausing, keep finding ways to connect with others and with wonder, keep looking up, and keep taking those three breaths and let yourself begin again. And again. And again.

As many times as you need.