The entire premise of the self-help industrial complex is that personal transformation comes only from within. That we can merely take it upon ourselves to behave and react differently — after, of course, buying the book, or the product, or the ticket, or whatever it is that will help us change our lives.

I learned the hard way that I simply cannot flourish in a toxic workplace, in a home with an abusive partner, or in an isolated nuclear family. So I changed my containers. I found a workplace that values its people, ended my marriage, and sought out community groups to join.

A plant can’t thrive in a tiny pot by adjusting its attitude, examining past trauma, or communicating better. It needs a pot more suited to its growth potential.  

We need to change our containers. We need to stop believing that we can attain transformation or enlightenment within social structures designed to keep us busy, isolated, and constrained.