I am happy for you.

My state has a 6 billion dollar surplus, yet we rank 32nd in student success and in the bottom 5 of teacher pay. To my teacher friends who are able to peacefully keep living and thinking they will still have a way to provide for their family when the DOE is dismantled: I am happy for you.

My state has a 6 billion dollar surplus, yet they pay 35% of traditional medicaid costs and 10% of the medicaid expansion costs. 1 in 5 people in our state is on medicaid. For my friends in the medical field who can peacefully get up and enjoy their lives thinking they can still provide for their family if medicaid is gone: I’m happy for you.

My state has a 6 billion dollar surplus, yet 106,600 students utilize part or all of the available amount for federal pell grants. To my friends that work at colleges who can peacefully believe they can support their family if the DOE is dismantled: I am happy for you.

My state has a 6 billion dollar surplus, 22% of our state utilizes medicare for health insurance and over 127,000 residents receive social security. For my friends who are seniors and disabled that are peacefully confident they can still support themselves if medicare and social security programs get cut: I’m happy for you.

My state has a 6 billion dollar surplus, yet 656,600 residents qualify for SNAP benefits. For my low income friends who can peacefully live in confidence they can continue to feed their families if food assistance is cut: I’m happy for you.

I am happy, that you can be peaceful for the next 1-12 months (depending on how rapidly things progress). I am happy you are not feeling the terror, rage and sadness that is consuming me. I’m happy you are able to sleep, eat and breathe without feeling like an elephant is sitting on your chest.

I’m happy you get to enjoy the pink cloud of not thinking about people starving, hospitals closing, only wealthy individuals being able to attend college, schools closing. Not realizing teachers, nurses, cooks, drivers, coaches, doctors, surgeons, medications, pharmacists and many others will be jobless and unable to provide services to you, must be blissful.

I still get angry, sad and full of fear, but today I am happy for you: I wish I could be going about my life peacefully and confident that these programs will be picked up by the state. I wish I could sleep at night without worrying about losing my house because I hold one of the jobs that will be affected.

Although my heart rate is elevated, my head is pounding, my limbic system is in disarray 24/7 and I am terrified for all the people around me, you have peace until it too hits you. Truly, I’m happy for you.