Great piece by Freddie deBoer. But also, besides the status, validation, and envy obsessed incentives of the online hellscape, I'm going to go ahead and say that there is no such thing, and has never been such thing, as an incel who drinks alcohol with other people. There just aren't. Find me one.

There's a reason that virtually every civilization in the past 3,000 years that managed to find their way out of arranged marriages is one that involved abundant alcohol. All the others stuck with a situation where the sexes barely ever interact until older people force them together and make all the decisions for the younger people.

Alcohol is a social technology that serves the fundamental purpose of making people like each other a lot more, and also making people feel a lot better about themselves (for a few hours at least). I would guess that easily 80% or more of all relationships, first kisses, hookups, whatever that have occured between men and women (anywhere in the Anglosphere, at least), over the past 100 years involved some level of alcohol in the initial meeting stages. You don't need to be drunk. Just a little socially lubricated.

And sure, you have a few rare subcultures that are exceptions, like the Mormons, that make it work without alcohol, but they also have a whole massive supporting culture with tons of social scripts, expectations, and socialization requirements to make up for it. Most don't.

But without those carefully constructed social scripts or alcohol, you’re stuck in a situation where most boys and men are too nervous and inhibited to put themselves out there by ever making a move, and the only guys with the courage to do so in person are in fact the domineering ultra aggressive and confident guys, so you kind of revert back to a primordial might makes right situation.

And weed is a horrible substitute. Alcohol is pro-erotic (to a point), and makes other people a lot more attractive. Weed is the opposite, it makes people weird and funny. You can’t even kiss stoned, unless you enjoy two people with mouths like the Sahara trying to put their velcro-like, dry, sticky tongues in each other’s mouths and then laughing hysterically at the awkwardness.

I didn't drink in high school like all my friends bc I hated the taste of beer, and instead I was a pothead. I hung out with a bunch of guys on almost a daily basis and never once did any of them indicate an iota of interest in me, we were like siblings. Looking back, I think it was just the weed. Literally the day I could obtain liquor and not beer and started drinking, male attention and opportunities was never again an issue. Mostly bc alcohol made me so much friendlier and more expressive, instead of just being the weird stoned girl laughing at everyone.

Anyway, I'm well aware that alcohol causes profound problems for maybe 10% of people, and unfortunately you can't tell who they'll be beforehand. Most everyone else just stops ever having more than a drink or two eventually, bc it becomes way too painful as you get older, just naturally. But I doubt I would have met most of my friends throughout life, nor any of my boyfriends or husband, without it. It doesn't take much liquor to make people drop their guard and become much more friendly and open.

Substituting the social technology of alcohol-assisted socializing at get together or in pubs with either weed or hiding behind screens is a disaster. Nowadays people use screens as a defensive shield for their fear of rejection…liquid courage was a much more effective antidote.