My Search History Is a Federal Crime

Why Writing Crime Thrillers Has Turned Me Into a Terrifying Person to Have Coffee With

Let’s talk about the “spark.”

People think writers get excited about metaphors, or the smell of old books, or finding the perfect adjective for a sunset. That’s cute. But for me? The real thrill of the craft is much darker.

The part of writing that excites me most is the research.

Specifically, I love digging deep into the world of crime. This is mostly because my actual life is aggressively wholesome. I’ve never stolen a grape from the grocery store, yet my brain is currently a walking encyclopedia of homicide techniques.

Thanks to my latest "work-in-progress," I’ve reached a point where I know how to end a human life before I’ve even had my first sip of morning coffee. It’s a strange way to live. While you’re checking the weather, I’m wondering if the physics of a shoelace could realistically support the weight of a dramatic third-act twist.

Here is a brief list of things I know that I really shouldn’t:

Pantry Perils: I can look at a box of instant mashed potatoes and a bottle of vinegar and see three different ways to stage a "freak accident."

Automotive Pyrotechnics: I know exactly where to place a charge to blow up a car, though I still struggle to pair my phone with my own Bluetooth.

The MacGyver of Murder: I have spent forty-five minutes researching how to kill someone with nail clippers. (Spoiler: It’s a lot of work, but the payoff is a chef’s kiss for a villain with a grudge.)

I live in constant fear that if I ever disappear, the police will find my laptop and assume I was a freelance mercenary.

Writers and true crime junkies—what’s the weirdest thing currently sitting in your search history?