One huge thing that I have been dealing with for some time, but am close to shaking, is the feeling that I need to wait to have a more ‘palatable’ body before I can be truly seen.

A disabled — and especially a sick body is, to the music industry, not considered a palatable body. It can’t dance, it can’t move around on stage, it has no stamina, it can’t produce fast enough, it can’t sing on command, it can’t create on command, it can’t practice for hours and so forth.

Also, according to society, you’re not supposed to express yourself when sick, you’re supposed to be writhing in pain behind closed doors and you’re definitely not supposed to do anything joyful because you are receiving a pension (if you’re lucky and live in a welfare state) and other people have to work for their money…