When I hear Emma Grede speak about the structure of her life, there’s a certainty in her tone and in her decisions. She has a kind of powerful energy that makes that version of motherhood feel clean and uncomplicated, just as my partner’s ability to be away from his kids doesn’t seem to challenge him in the same way. I don’t have that. What I have is a much more vulnerable, almost exposed feeling when it comes to my children, a kind of bare wound that comes from carrying them inside of me and feeling like they are an extension of my being. I’m scared to lose the bond, the closeness, the connection. My biggest fear is that I will one day wake up and feel like I missed out on time with my younger child that I can never get back, because I didn’t make the right choices.