The app for independent voices
OWNING MY MISTAKES | Want to Help a Grieving Friend? Don’t Do This.
Full confession: The reason I’m so good at supporting people through their grief is that I’ve made some form of all these mistaken recommendations in my life. I know first hand they don’t help - they hurt. Did it with my kids, family members, friends. Trust me, listening with compassion is much more kind. When we show full compassion and attentiveness to others’ pain, it helps prevent future damage such as physical and mental health problems up to and including the potential for suicide.
Don’t Feel Bad - It tells the griever that their emotional pain is invalid and that you can just suddenly decide with your rational mind to stop an emotion.
Replace the Loss - Think about it. That child (lover, spouse, friend) are irreplaceable. You had a unique relationship and no one else can replace that.
Grieve Alone - You’ll make people uncomfortable if you show deep emotions. Just go somewhere so that no one else has to be affected. Again, invalidation of pain.
Time Heals all Wounds - Time heals nothing. It’s an illusion. While the intensity of a loss may diminish over time, the only thing that heals is to face pain head on, and take action to give voice to the things you wish had been different, better or more.
Be Strong - Denial is not a healing grief strategy. Pretending we are not in excruciating pain only delays healing and while it is ignored, the emotional pain is becoming a ticking time bomb for your health. How about be human instead.
Stay Busy - Like Be Strong it’s total and complete bypassing of what you need to deal with. It might as well be a drug for all the detrimental effects it has on your emotional well-being.
