The app for independent voices
A quick Gaslighting 101:
Someone attempted to gaslight me today on Substack after they read my note about the internal boundary of not needing to forgive someone who has done unforgivable things.
They interpreted having a boundary as being hateful.
This is clearly manipulation, but also something I often see.
Boundaries interpreted as being emotional violence.
I’m not spreading hate by talking about perceptual clarity and teasing apart how people are subtly gaslit by others into minimising their own pain at the hands of abuse by others.
It is unpleasant to be manipulated in this way and I’m writing about it here for anyone who has been told they are the problem when actually they have clarity and set a boundary as a result of that clarity.
I’m receiving quite a lot of these interactions here on Substack due to speaking about my own thoughts in my own space here.
I don’t share about those interactions to complain, but to highlight the subtle power dynamics people try to exert over others. And to shine a light on the nuance of the manipulations in case you receive similar comments too, and it helps you step out of the guilt and shame they inherently attempt to offload onto the person receiving them.
Seeing clearly is not hateful.
Setting a boundary is not emotional violence.
Choosing not to forgive does not equate to feeling hate. At no point did I mention hating anyone who voted for Trump. I do not.
Refusing to sanitise or soften harmful behaviour with benevolence through forgiveness is not the same thing as hate.
The tactics used in this comment I received actually contain emotional harm because they:
Reframe my position incorrectly.
Assume authority over my moral state.
Define my boundary for me.
Shift the focus away from the original harm and onto my response to it.
Position themselves as the more reasonable and morally superior one while misrepresenting me.
Police what I've written instead of engaging with what I actually said.
That is gaslighting.
Not because someone disagreed with me, I have no issues at all with people holding different views to me. I have an issue with them distorting what I actually said, assigning me a moral state I did not express, and then judging me for that distorted version of my words.
Always remember internal boundaries are not external hate or violence.
They are a refusal to abandon the self.
