Today, my doctor suggested I get a standing order of STD screening every 3-6 months. I waved it off saying, “Oh no that won’t be necessary. I don’t have sex that often. I wish!” 

She sort of huffed me off and said, “Well, I’m sure you could fix that right away if you wanted to!”

As I biked away from the clinic, I felt a little flattered, yet annoyed by her statement. 

Who am I going to fuck in this town, Lisa? 

Is it the spineless, birkenstock-wearing white liberals…or the barely legal college students?

I have standards, too.