There’s a lot here I recognize in myself even if I’m not as insane as quix seems to be. Probably not shocking given I’m in the same “thirty-something Bay Area software engineer from less than stable background” bucket.

A few similar themes I’ve recognized as I’ve been working through stuff prior to getting on the apps again:

• The career bar is real and probably inflexible. I would say for me it’s overdetermined rather than being about one specific desire or fear eg it’s a filter for competence, drive, intelligence, education, mental stability, relatability and more.

• I also have fears of betrayal although I recognize those are mostly abled to be handled via getting to know the other person.

• Combine the previous two and it’s not shocking I’m strongly averse to having a SAH spouse.

• My finding people I actually want to date being a limiting factor more than women actually finding me hideous or similar. I’m always shocked to read the “men swipe right 50+% of the time” stats - that’s never been close to my experience.