Natural wine has all the worst habits of contemporary culture: a lifestyle brand pretending to be an agricultural product, a moodboard in a bottle. It’s become parody-proof in its austere commitment to goofiness. Even the ethics get co-opted. Farming organically, treating workers fairly, respecting land — these are serious commitments. But in the hands of natural wine’s loudest marketers, they collapse it into the same half-digested talking points you’d hear at a pop-up wellness launch.