The curse of an overthinker.

I know what Emma Klint is talking about — I felt the exact same last year.

I had just gone through an 11-month coaching training program where I’d learned a whole bunch of skills on how one can become a better person and improve their life.

And so I was coaching myself — because I needed to improve myself — but the more I was doing it the more trapped I felt.

I couldn’t understand it — “I know what to do — why the hell can’t I apply what I know on me??”

I was feeling guilty and was slowly — or rather quickly — losing confidence in my ability to do anything (all the worthy things I’d done in life were quickly forgotten).

And then I discovered I had ADHD.

I’m still learning to embrace what it means, but if there is one thing that helped me stop that self-humiliating-masquerading-as-self-improvement cycle, it’s this:

I never had a willpower problem — I had a safety problem.

All this time, I’d been trying to power my way through into a person I thought I needed to be — while creating a hostile environment for my nervous system. And neurodivergent nervous system needs emotional safety before it can do anything else.

I still feel guilty at times — but with that new knowledge, I’m starting to get easier on myself. And the doors are beginning to open to true self-improvement — not forced.