The eldest daughter urge to move as far away from family as possible is real— even if you love them to death.

My impulsive desire to move always arises after big family gatherings where I (and I take responsibility for this) over extend, don’t speak up for fear of explosion, or try to practice Jesus like grace and mercy when I am triggered level 1000.

The sore spots of the overburdened eldest daughter rear their head.

A little bit of family time is amazing.

Too much can be crippling.

I love my siblings, and we share many similar traits. They don’t share my faith and therefore live differently in ways. It gives me ongoing opportunities to teach my kids about diversity and that everyone has free will- how adults live is up to them. Also, they’re good people. Funny, loving, fair.

I do believe I am in better relationship with my family of origin with geographical space. The space lets me live beyond our family of origin culture and into the new one I’m creating with my family. When these lines are too blurred, I feel anxious.

Sometimes I feel bad when I reach a point where I need space, because I remind myself that these times together are so precious. There comes the eldest daughter guilt though— forget your needs. What about everyone else?

For those who also feel this wrestle of ‘I love them so much’ and also ‘I’m still so triggered by some dynamics’ as well as the ‘I want to be more present in the moment but I’m also searching for home school hybrids overseas at the same time because I may internally combust’…. I feel you ❤️ May God work on your heart and sores and may He work on mine too x xx