I find it comforting that you, a gay woman, has shared this. I am not gay, but shared many of your experiences, such as being a tom boy, having a crush on women when I was young and turns out I have a number of gay friends. But we never know how we will mature and what circumstances will take us to what outcome. The gay rights movement had the aura of legitimacy and was fighting injustice. I do not feel the same way about the trans lobby and their activities. I disagree with your partner's take on trans that we must "support our trans friends, as they are facing insurmountable dangers from the far right." I think most people are supportive of a live and let live philosophy, but the trans movement has made it a point to ride roughshod over women's rights and what they might see as adversity is really just push back against the breaking of the social contract of equal rights holders which is "I respect you, you respect me". Another point is many of the young teens I interact with in theatre are clearly going through "a phase", but are actively pursuing permanent changes. Most of them are autistic and I would know as I am also on the spectrum. Yet the medical community sees their "gender dysphoria" as the dominating issue, and not clear signs of autism or even their playing with various identities as expected in that life stage. It's like we used to examine fashions and select clothing, shoes to mould our appearance into an ideal. These kids are now picking sexual identities for themselves at the gender mall.