I came to understand myself as nonbinary in my forties. There was no dramatic reveal. It was more like finally having a word for something that had always been there.

The hard part is what came after. Asking the people who have known me longest to see me differently. They love me, and they’re working against decades of habit, and a world that’s pushing back hard right now. I don’t press. I don’t want it to become a burden on the relationship. But it has a weight to it.

I’ve struggled with this myself. When people I know have changed their pronouns, it took me time and effort to make the switch. I know what I’m asking. That knowledge makes me more patient.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​