Friday the 13th February

I woke up early this morning. Sat in the dark, contemplating. Thoughts and memories spinning wildly through my head. Excitement, gratitude, sadness, nostalgia, melancholia — all at once, all tangled together. So many ideas, so many feelings, arriving in such fast continuity it’s almost overwhelming.

I keep wondering if everyone goes through this. This crazy, unsettling, but somehow exciting mix of emotions before the day has even started. Thinking of different eras, different worlds, regimes, humanity, freedom of choice — then followed closely by the thought: it’s just so privileged to have the time and space to do this. To not be in survival mode, where your thoughts are completely different.

Then comes the deep breath.

Rather than looking close, at what’s right in front of me, I lift my eyes and look into the distance. Get a perspective. And I feel something heavy begin to lift, at least temporarily.

What remains is the immense gratitude for all we have. Being here. Having another day ahead. Another day I can shape any way I want.