I need to go insane.

I’ve outlined what could become an astounding period tragedy— possibly the best novel I’ll ever write. But the last time I tried to write without a muse I produced a book so bad I wonder what the fuck my publisher was thinking; I never mention it; I’m embarrassed to be the author.

Whether it’s mania or depression, I need a bipolar episode to spur me on, creatively. People say it’s not necessary to be in pain to write well but you haven’t read my books— else you would instantly recognize the difference in quality. I’m not going to force it but I can’t tell if the idea is stewing or growing rancid while I remain stable.

I might turn this into a whole essay. Anyone interested in discussing the “mentally ill creative” phenomenon?