“Start small. Say, I want a manicure. I want a massage. Tell people. Make it a dinner party conversation. Practice articulating it. And go from there. It may turn out the things you think you want, you don’t actually want that much. You might want something entirely different. One way to find out! (Related: Nicole Kidman’s inability to ask for what she wants in Babygirl, made me crazy.)

This brings me to something else that’s been on my mind this holiday season, which is if you are by yourself and feeling bad about that, tell people. This speaks to the nature of many of my friendships, but for the most part I don’t bother standing on ceremony. I will often just tell people I’m coming over. Or I’ll say, I’m in New York for Christmas this year, can I come to your place on Christmas Day? Or even, I’m by myself, and want somewhere to go. Can I come to you? We’re all very conditioned to wait to be invited, and in some cases that’s appropriate (weddings, for example). Maybe they’ll say no, but for the most part, I’ve found that people want you, they just don’t always know you want to be wanted. So tell them! We’re all distracted. Just be direct.” Glynnis MacNicol